James & the Potty

James & the potty - here is a love-hate relationship.  Sometimes you ask him if he needs to go to the potty and it is a complete excitement and he tries to unsuccessfully pull his own pants off and goes through the whole ceremony of it all and is super proud.  Other times it is a full on tantrum at the thought that he needs to go potty.  He goes occasionally.  He asks rarely (until recently) - and the lack of potty training I blamed on me for being too lazy to ask him to go every 20 minutes.  But he has been better the last few weeks…  So, I think it is time to pull the trigger and get it done.  To get it done, WE need to do it differently.

Sometimes you need to parent to the personality of the child.  You just have to throw out the rule books and say, this kid is different.

James is stubborn, willful and manipulative.  I'm not trying to sugar coat anything here.  These are not all of his qualities.  He is also loving and gentle.  I mean this in a way that it is Joel Husband and I's responsibility to channel these powerful traits for good and not evil.  We think we can do it.  It takes a lot of energy - but sometimes these traits - stubborn, willful and manipulative can be used for good.  Case in point, I use them every day in my job as a Fundraiser! (yes, I am admitting he might have gotten all this from me)

But, stubborn, willful and manipulative are not good qualities when trying to use "the positive method" of potty training.  Not at all.  We see no response whatsoever from "the positive method" - other than, if he is in the mood and you are positive there are lots of high fives.  If he is not in the mood, there is nothing.  No positivity can help when we ask him, "why did you go in your diaper?" and his response, with a look and toddler garble is basically: "because it is easier, and I don't care, you fools are the only ones who care and I could care less.  Take that M&M and shove it wherever.  I am going to go play in my own feces now."

So, with that in mind, and with a stellar daycare who is backing us up all the way (there are many parents who just stopped diapers altogether, lots of accidents…  I am not sure I could handle that, too much of a germy - also, read above, James does not mind being in his own urine and feces…).  But, this week we figured out something he does mind, and it is being without pants.

It is cold out, but we have heat people so don't call Child Services.  Two nights ago James pooped his pants and had no good explanation for it so Joel Husband changed his pull up, putting a new diaper on, and then refused to put on his pants.  James freaked.  We explained, if he wears a pull up, and poops in it, we can't put pants on anymore.  Too much.  He continued to freak.

Side bar, and ironically: the only article of clothing James can completely put on at present are his pants.  He can reach the shelf with all his pants on them.  Don't tell him though. He didn't think of any of this and spent the entire evening trying to figure out how he can manipulate me to get his pants back on.  Awesome.

Anyway, so without pants he ate dinner and with total manipulativeness on our side Joel Husband and I responded that he will get them back when he shows us he can poop on the potty.  This was for about two hours.  He went to bed with PJ pants on, went to school with pants on, I thought the effect wore off.   But ever since has been ASKING to poop on the potty.  I am not dumb, I know this can be a fluke, but could this be our answer?  Hmmm…. No pants party all weekend maybe!

See Science Center

This past Monday, while Ama and Grumpy visited, we went to the See Science Center and had a ball.  Joel Andrew loves, loves, loves the Bernulli Blower so much.  I have the same photo of him loving it from a few years ago too.

Ama and Grumpy had a good time following them around, and had a hard time trying to break up their bickering.  I think that is probably the true description of the whole weekend.  We went out on Saturday night with a bunch of friends to Fogo de Chao (I still have the meat sweats) - and Ama and Grumpy suggested we stay overnight in Boston.  So, they had lots of quality time with their grandsons - which when we immediately asked them about it their response was everything was just fine, they are so good.  But later we would catch snip-its like: "when we move here, we will only be able to take one boy at a time for overnights."  Yeah, right Ama and Grumpy!  Ha!

Back to the Museum.  It was nice to have a Monday to ourselves so that we can get out and explore.  Manchester really is a hike though, and it almost makes more sense to go into Boston at times.  The parking was a nightmare at the Science Center - though much cheaper than Boston of course.  But, we had to drive to find a place to eat.  Hmmm.  The boys still love it though.  We ended the day at the Airport Diner which was awesome, but not as delicious as my planned trip to the brewery (Grumpy and I have no shame in a beer at lunch, on a Monday, with kids).

While leaving the Airport Diner the waitress asks James if he would like an airplane, to which he replies, "Yes, thank you, that one."  And points at the decoration on the ceiling.  She had no idea how to react.  That's my guy, lovable, knows what he wants, and knows how to sweet talk a lady.  We left with the paper planes promising to return one day so that James could see he beloved ceiling decoration again.

The bubbles were also clearly a hit at the See Science Center!

 Joel Andrew and the Blower, January 2014

Joel Andrew and the Blower, February 2012

Chunky's

No, this is not a post about how I have been feeling lately.  This is about a movie theater, which I am in love with.

It is Wednesday, Joel Husband is working tonight.  I have the boys.  What do we do?  Do we do the usual order Thai food and then watch a movie on the couch until bedtime?  No…  Tonight, we go to Chunky's (now I get Thai food tomorrow night, see how that works!).!

Chunky's is a genius movie theater where you can watch recently come out movies, eat deliciously bad for you food, and drink, all while sitting in chairs from old cadillac cars.  The only one sad thing about this plan was Angus because he spent all day home alone and now all night home alone too.

But, I planned it anyway and set off to get my mini-men from daycare. I let them in on the news. The boys were psyched about a movie, and when I added that the Kings would be there it was over the moon excitement.  Excellent.

For a grand total of $5.50 - yes seriously, that was the total - Joel Andrew, James and I all got into the movie.  4 and under, free.  Ladies night is Wednesday, so I got $2 off admission.  Are you kidding?  I was so lucky to text Auntie Lauren at the last minute, and Declan and Nolan also met us.  When Lauren came into the theater, found us at our chairs she and I exclaimed at the same time, "$5.50 - and we can drink, let's do this every Wednesday - have you seen Frozen yet?"

A carafe of wine later, an order of XL chicken fingers for the boys, and a non-dietary friendly meal for Mommy - we watched The Nut Job. Joel Andrew CRACKED up at all of the potty humor parts which in turn made Auntie Lauren and I crack up.  Actually, the best entertainment of the evening was watching four boys under four watch a movie.  At one point Nolan was upside down in his chair, yet fully paying attention.  Joel Andrew was slurping the end of the chocolate milk from his straw - loud enough for the whole theater to hear, but yet he was oblivious.  Auntie Lauren and I laughed in hysterics, the whole time.

It really was an awesome night out.  Even though I had a hard time following the plot of the movie (there was a lot going on).  I still don't get how a peanut cart exploded in a tree and made popcorn?  I guess the point is not to think, and just laugh.  Which we did.  When the Gangham Style song came on at the end, all the boys had a great dance.  Love them. See you next week, Auntie Lauren!

Throwing a Toddler in a Snow Pile Out of Frustration for Not Listening, And Other Fun

Did that sounds violent?  I didn't mean it to sounds violent... But, when you are working hard to shovel your walkway and a toddler continues to push snow back onto it while playing their game, no matter how many times and ways you explain to them not to put snow back on your walkway, you suddenly get the great idea to poof them in a pile of snow.  James did not like this.

Joel Andrew also had a hard time enjoying the snow while I was getting something done.  Here we are, New Englanders and you think that with a nice fresh pile of snow, no tracks in it whatsoever - and with being covered head to tow in snow suits and gloves and boots, they would be ready to romp for hours on end.  Making snow men, angels, all that good stuff.  Not my kids, they look at me and say: "Can you help me make it (whiny tone)?  What are we supposed to do?  Can I watch a TV show?"  NO!  Go have fun, dammit.  No more expensive ski lessons if this is going to take all the imagination as to what to do with snow out of your afternoon!

Finally, we went to the back of the house, and the boys went to the playground there.  They realized that the slide is much faster with the snow/ice layer and spent at least an hour climbing up, then speeding down on the slide into a snow pile.  Mommy throws you into a snow pile, no fun.  You scream down a slide into a snow pile, awesome times are had.  We finished out the day with a "sledding" ride which really was me pulling them up and down the driveway which was fun for a millisecond.  I am wondering that I might bring them to our back lot sometime and actually sled down the hill there…

Good times, and outdoor activity was had for all.  Now I have four sleeping boys and it is 5:30pm…  Oops!

Resolve

In 2012 I set some resolutions for myself, and I followed them beautifully.  It was a great year, extremely productive and I was proud.  2013 not so much…  Here were my resolutions from 2013 - that I forgot I even made:

10 Resolutions for 2013, here they go:

1. Simplicity: First and foremost, recognize that it does not need to be done all perfectly and with multiple layers.  Be as simple as possible in the execution of all things, and relax.  Not everything can get done, do the best I can.

2. Be Better: Loose those 10 pounds that came back, fit into my clothes again, be more comfortable and do not eat myself sick so often (maybe once and a while is ok!).  Be ok with loosing the ten pounds, and that is it. No more lofty goals, just get back to fitting in clothes.  Drink lots of water, and wash my face every night before bed.  Explore parabin-free cosmetics and body products.  That's all.

3. Children, more: Less housework, less organizing, less ignoring the kids and more playing, being, talking, doing with them.  Having them help me with laundry, with dinner, with everything.

4. Me time: I like going to the Spa, so make it a point to plan a full-on nice spa day once a quarter (?).  I missed both of my last two planned spa days because of work.  No more. 

5. Travel: Get back to seeing new places and things!  What will Joel Husband pick for his christmas present this year (I gave him a box with multiple travel options).  Hopefully it will be a good mix of trying something new and doing things we love.

6.  Shutting down: I NEED to turn off my work email from my phone.  Not all things need to be answered at all hours. 5pm Friday - 8pm Sunday email is off (and only then a 1 hour check I am allowed Sunday night).  Mid-week only 2 nights MAX of late night working.  If I have a meeting or an event that adds up to more than 4 hours, I must take comp time in the form of a massage or an outing with the kids.  If I can't get it done, I cannot get it done.  That's it.  In order to sustain, this must occur.  Nothing must be done, no matter what, between the hours of 4:30 - 8:00 each week night, when I am driving, cooking, spending time with my family before bedtime. 

7. Listen: Try new music, make playlists, and read, read, read my audiobooks during all commutes!

8.  Purge:  Get rid of all of the baby things that we no longer need.  So someone else can use them before they are outdated or recalled. 

9. Sleep: self explanatory.

10. Relax: Take deep breaths.  Try yoga?  Figure something out to no longer have tantrums worse than my children, in front of my children. 

This is a large list. If I can tackle them though - just think about the better Mom that would come out the other side!

First thought as I look back on this list - oh wait, that's what I wanted to resolve to do in 2014…  oops.  If I can't remember I made these resolutions before…  then how am I to keep them this time?  So, perhaps I need to simplify, and tweak and resolve.  Here is my 2014 attempt:

2014 RESOLUTIONS


1. Be Better: Drink lots of water, and wash my face every night before bed.  Move more.  Play with my kids.  Stop eating myself sick.  Do not eat past 8pm unless it is Saturday.  Do not drink unless it is a holiday or weekend (or Book Club night - you see where this gets tough?).  Stretch.  Sleep.  Rest. Relax.  This is one line.  No line of loose weight and another of sleeping and another of exercise.  It is all one line, take better care of me.  

2. Children, more: Less housework, less organizing, less ignoring the kids and more playing, being, talking, doing, with them.  Having them help me with laundry, with dinner, with everything.  Create activities to do with them.  Maybe get back on the Pinterest thing to come up with ideas.  

3. Learn: Try new music, make playlists, and read, read, read books.  I miss this, at my old job I had plenty of time to listen to audiobooks but not with the new.  I have to add reading back into my schedule.  I also want to learn how to use the electronics in my household better.  Do we need cable?  Can we make it so that I can set the thermostat from my phone?  Easy things, already there, I just have to learn how to do them.

4.  Purge:  Get rid of all of the baby things that we no longer need.  So someone else can use them before they are outdated or recalled.   Go through the basement and get rid of things we do not use.  Time to cleanse the house before we are knee-deep in stuff that we do not need.  

5. Cook:  When I was thinner, I was cooking all the time.  I miss this.  Maybe go back to the make a recipe out of each cookbook I own in 2014…

From 10 to 5 - do you think I can remember?  When does that eating better thing start anyway?

Captain Hook is in the Toilet

This is not a good sentence to hear if you are a parent - not necessarily a bad thing to hear - but not your favorite thing.  Last week this is what we heard as Joel husband, Joel Andrew and I were getting ready for bed in Joel Andrew's room when James walked in.  He uttered these exact words. We were a bit worried which Captain Hook, as he has a large stuffed animal one as well as a small figurine.  

Joel husband went into the bathroom, and noted: "yep, Captain Hook is in the toilet." As we stood above the figurine sunk down below, Joel Andrew swooped in and stuck his arm in the toilet and got Captain Hook right out.  Awesome.  A four year old, with toilet water all over his hands. At least Captain Hook was now safe.

As I was washing the toilet water off my eldest hands, my youngest began to try and sit on the potty, all the while missing the seat and getting his entire leg in the potty.  Proceed screaming.  It was a fun, and potty water filled evening.

Joel Andrew, Dance Class

Joel Andrew has been in a dance class for a few weeks now.  This dance class is so serious, that the parents do not go inside.  We can't even take a look mid-class.  The teacher prefers to have all of the kids in the room while the parents sit outside - with the doors closed- and listen to the music and the banging and the laughing and we all wonder, just what is going on in there?

Then, one week out of the year it is peek week and you get to go in and watch them dance.  This is epic.  I sensed this, even though it was my first time.  All of the other Moms there were talking about Peek Week from the first I arrived.  I knew to expect great things.  Peek Week was to be the last class before holiday break.  Then a snowstorm happened and class was cancelled.  Joel Andrew and I were crushed.  We were assured Peek Week would be rescheduled, that it would not be the first class back, and that we would get to see our kids dance.  First week back I came ready to schedule Peek Week, and first week back when I walked in the door it was apparent it was Peek Week.  I started to get angry, I do not have my camera!  How am I supposed to document this amazing event?  When I saw all the other Moms.  They were Bull.  Like so mad, it was hysterical.  I just watched and laughed, cause I was mad too - but then I remembered I had two cameras in my purse, one an iPad and one an iPhone.  So, we went forward with Peek Week.

Next I was unprepared for all of the emotions.  I assumed I would get in there and see my child do amazing things and just burst with pride and then with concern about how I would go home and explain to Joel Husband that we were going to need to bring Joel Andrew to Broadway auditions.  The music started, the dancing began and it quickly became apparent that Joel Andrew would not be doing any Broadway auditioning anytime soon.  Most of the girls in his class followed along beautifully as the teacher shouted general instruction as: Tap, first position, tap, first position.  My son beamed, he smiled, he loved every minute, he checked himself in the mirror a few thousand times.  He itched his legs, and stuck his hands in his pockets and itched something else…  He occasionally hit exactly what the teacher asked him to do - but I am thinking that was more coincidence.  He beamed though throughout the whole thing.  And so did I.  I could not stop smiling at my son having the best time of his life, king of the ladies, with two left feet.

At one point there was an exercise where everyone was in a line, and they needed to skip in time to the music across the dance floor while holding hands.  Joel Andrew was the end of the line.  By the time they got to the opposite end of the dance room, Joel would be in the middle (his skipping took him a bit left…) - the girls would be smooshed in a pile and the teacher corrected him and they did it again and again until he was all set.  There he was, beaming and smiling all the way and it was all I could do not to yell "keep straight!"  I didn't, he learned, and all got high fives (I am guessing this is why Moms are normally not allowed).  Parents sitting next to me leaned in and said: "That boy is adorable!" When I told them he was mine they seemed surprised.  I think it was all an act.  It was obvious who his Mom was, we both had the same goofy look on our faces the entire time and I was switching off between iPad and iPhone to capture every move he made.

Tap dance portion of the class time, and I was worried.  He put his shoes right on and got a spot out in front.  Here we go I thought, Can't wait!   Ever the one to keep us guessing, he did a GREAT job!  I keep saying, how could every boy out there not want to put on noisy shoes and stop around to loud music?  Joel Andrew loved it and was doing awesome.  I think for this he is a natural.  Perhaps not ballet, but tap is his thing.

I am so proud of my little guy.  Keep loving what you do buddy, you are the best.  Can't wait until the recital, first weekend of June - mark your calendars people!