Gettin' Out and About

Boy have we been busy! Aunt Jennie and Jeremy stopped by for the Pats game on Sunday - Jeremy has stopped calling the baby "it" and exhibits natural parenting skills! Aunt Jennie and LJ are naturals at the snuggling!

On Monday we went to Baby Yoga. I am discovering that Baby Yoga is not that different from Gymboree, which is not that different from Infant Massage. Eh, at least all of these classes get us out and about and we are meeting other Moms. Above, LJ on his first covered bridge, in Dover, NH. We can't wait to go back to the city to the Children's Museum, maybe in a few months.
Today we got all dressed up and went for a walk at Odiorne State Park. I think the photos of him sleeping in the carriage are hysterical, but necessary. They really show that Mommy is trying to do a lot! It was LJ's first visit to the ocean. We can't wait to get back here, as there are great views and an awesome swing set. It is on the list!
Tomorrow - to Beauport in Gloucester!

I'm Back!

Last night Joel and I took a night off and stayed in Boston. If you read my last post, you would know that I needed this break. I missed my little guy so much and could not stop talking about him - but I certainly enjoyed the night off, the vino, the dinner and the gorgeous hotel room!

The weekend started when Nana and Pa came over Friday night for a long weekend with the little guy. We went to the Spencer-Peirce Little Farm in Newbury, Mass for a local grower's dinner. It was mobbed! But, nonetheless LJ seemed to really enjoy his warm fuzzy suit, the fresh air and the live music. After an Ipswich Ale we all went down to Newburyport to Grog for dinner. LJ just sat there happy as a clam the entire time. What a great dinner companion!

Saturday rolls around and first thing we go to the Doctor's Office. I really wanted to make sure his screaming fits and refusal to BF was not something else evil and hidden. The Doctor confirmed that he is 100% a-Ok and that we should keep moving forward. We were happy to hear this, as an hour later Big Joel and I packed up, kissed the little guy goodbye and went on our way for our fun day in the city.

So many people say "Isn't it like you have always had the baby? Can't you never leave him, even for one second?" I wondered if I was a terrible mom for saying no to both these questions. I love the little guy so much, but was looking forward to 24-hours with just my husband and me. It was nice to eat at a restaurant, and actually take time to chew and swallow food. It was neat to take the stairs in the parking garage and not have to wait for an elevator. It was very fun to sleep all night long! All that being said, all day long I pointed out every stroller, every baby and every pregnant lady. I could not stop wondering what the little guy was doing, and if he missed me. Joel and I mostly talked about how our friends have just had babies (Congrats Brian and Lauren on Declan!), or about to have them, and how things will change. We are looking forward to skiing trips, play dates, and watching the kids grow.

So, a restful night was all I needed to bring me back. And, I am happy to say that I think it was what LJ needed too because he is back to eating again. I need to remember to breathe. Three months is my goal, then good or bad will come the formula - because with the bumpy ride we have had I am sure there are more hazards in the road ahead. And, as the Dr. said yesterday, and I am learning from re-reading my own posts, it is better to be a sane and happy mommy with some formula mixed in then a crazy, over-tired and depressed mommy that gives her baby 100%,

The Truth

Why do people feel so guilty when they do not breastfeed? Why is it so hard? When something that is supposed to be so natural, so beautiful and such a bonding thing for you and your child turns into a struggle where inevitably ½ the time both you and the baby are in hysterics – what is the right thing to do? Continue the charade, or stop?

I am so confused, hurt, upset and emotional about this. We had one good feeding this week, and it was euphoric. I could not believe how happy it made me. Similarly, the terrible feedings make me so upset – make me question my ability as a mother, make me angry at my child for not doing it right – when obviously he is trying his hardest too. At this point it is clear to me, there is no good to continuing this process and that in fact me breastfeeding in the first place has probably caused us more harm then good.

When I should be playing with him when he is happy and giggly, I am cleaning the stupid pump things. When I should be napping while he is sleeping I am pumping. When he finally sleeps through the night and I should be sleeping through the night as well, I have to wake up every three hours and spend a half an hour with the pump and clean ritual.

It took us three weeks to even be able to breastfeed properly. He would not latch. This was probably my first clue. I persisted though, went to a lactation consultant and tried with the shield. I pumped and fed him through finger feeding, then the bottle. When he finally latched, euphoria I tell you. But not for long.

Then I got mastitis. Probably the most painful thing ever, worse than labor contractions. And, you need to breastfeed through it. 104 degree fever, tired and cranky Mommy who needed to cancel her first fun night out. One week of antibiotics and I was back, but now with the eternal fear that if I am not pumping every 4 hours, or feeding every 2, it will come back.

Then the low milk supply. This one was especially upsetting I have to say, I feel terrible for the Moms out there who have this from the get-go. You really feel useless and terrible when you can’t even pump enough in a whole day, to feed your child for one meal. I woke up at 5am at our cabin in Maine, called the local Shaw’s, drove 35 minutes, and waited for the doors to open so that I could buy a tea that “might” help with this problem. I drank that tea like a champ. It came back…

But now I have “overactive let down.” Another fun joy where the poor baby chokes every time he feeds because milk is shooting out. Nice. Never thought that would happen to me in my lifetime. Milk shoting out. Nice picture.

Oh, and the joys of a milk allergy. Does he have one? I cannot tell. Who knows, there is no answet. Only a screaming child. Does he stop screaming when I stop eating dairy – who can tell? I try to stay away from dairy but it is in EVERYTHING. I go to the store to order a sandwich and they give me the wrong one, with dairy (twice now!).

What are the benefits to breasfeeding, I wonder? From the Baby Center website in Blue some benefits are:

Breastfeeding protects your baby from gastrointestinal trouble, respiratory problems, and ear infections

That’s nice. LJ has already had an ear infection (totally rare for an infant). Breastfeeding did not help us here. He has been wheezing since his 6^th week, and people keep telling me they think he has reflux. Awesome.

Breastfeeding can protect your baby from developing allergies.

Another thing people tell me, he probably has a milk allergy. Nice.

Breastfeeding may boost your child's intelligence

My husband was not breastfed, and he is one of the smartest people I know. I was breastfed for four weeks max – and until this I thought I was a pretty intelligent person.

Breastfeeding may protect against obesity later in life

I think poor LJ is in trouble with this no matter what. Everyone tells me exercise and eating right is the key to avoiding obesity. But I guess all of the large people out there can blame their parents for not breastfeeding now?

Breastfeeding helps you lose weight

This is a huge myth. HUGE. I thought it would help, I said I would try breastfeeding from the get go, just for this selfish reason. But – what you do not realize is that you need to eat, a lot, in order to maintain the ability to produce milk. I get ravenous all the time. Plus, it is recommended not to exercise too strenusously or cut too much out of your diet because again, your milk supply will go down.

Breastfeeding can lower your stress levels and reduce postpartum bleeding

Yeah, we all know what it has done for my stress levels.

Breastfeeding may reduce your risk of some types of cancer

Breastfeeding may protect against osteoporosis later in life

Breastfeeding may protect your baby from childhood leukemia

Breastfeeding may protect your baby from developing type 1 diabetes

Breastfeeding may lower your baby's risk of SIDS

The key word in all of these statements is “may.” How do they know?

For some reason people want to scare you, guilt you into breastfeeding. If nothing else, lets tell them they will get cancer and give their kid diabetes if they don’t do it. Joel always makes fun of me and my conspiracy theories, but I am serious here – why is the social norm right now breastfeed or else? All of the Drs, the TV, friends, websites, etc say breastfeeding is the best. I hear moms ask other moms – “How long did you breastfeed for?” and it is like a competition to who held on the longest. Why is this? Is this just me?

I actually received a “atta boy, continue breastfeeding card” in the mail the other day. No joke, Hallmark makes a “good job breastfeeding” card. It made me laugh so hard, but it also makes me think. What kind of society are we that we have a greeting card for this? I love the person that sent it to me – because she knows how hard this has been for me, but now I stare at it and think, gotta keep going – can’t let the card down!

Obviously all that I just wrote is a rationale for why I should stop. It breaks my heart though. And that is the real reason why I write this – why does it break my heart so much? Why does it make me feel like such a failure, so incompetent? It is not like I did not try, I went to many lactation consultants, and weekly breastfeeding support group.

Monday it will be 10 weeks. I wanted to go 6 months. At this point I would be amazed and satisfied if I could make it 3 months. I am so upset about it. Maybe we can fight through this latest issue of him not wanting to latch and instead scream bloody murder – but I am not sure. I am really thinking that I am going crazy here, it is ruining our relationship and how is this worth all the “may helps, may protects” above?

Why am I so upset, so focused on this when instead I should be focused on how wonderful my child is, and how lucky I am to have him?

Eh, the struggle continues.

Play Dates

This week we have been out and about a lot! On Monday Nana Karen, the saint, took Mommy and LJ to the nail place. Mommy sat and had a mani-pedi while Nana watched the baby. Seriously, is any other mother-in-law out there this great? I cannot tell you how fabulous a foot massage felt! I need to work on getting Big Joel to give me these... We had lunch at Bertucci's and the whole time there were just a few peeps out of the little guy. Not bad for his first trip to Andover!

Later that evening I had an even bigger treat by getting out to my first tap dance class. I haven't tapped since I was in high school - but it is coming back. Sort of like riding a bike, sort of... I have a ways to go, but it was a nice break. I think the teacher was a bit concerned about me and asked me how I felt about it after the class. I told her as long as I was bouncing around to the music with a smile, that she should not worry about me! It is quite a work out!

Tuesday we had a much-needed break at home. But Wednesday we were back at our travels. LJ needed to meet his girlfriend, Maddy. Maddy and his mom Kim live in Derry - so we travelled out there to their home for a fun play date. On the way, I thought I would stop at a nice bakery to pick up a few treats. You can't show up at someone's home empty handed. Low and behold, the bakery is closed. Shut down! What to do? Well, the liquor store right next door was open... So, I brought a six pack... to my first play date. People on Facebook seemed to approve! LJ had a wonderful time but Kim and I seemed to have a problem keeping both of the children awake at once. When Maddy was ready to play, LJ was sleeping in the swing. When LJ was out and about Maddy was down for her afternoon nap. Oh well, next time they will meet!
Today was ultra-fun. I have been stressing about a trip into Boston for a while now. It just seems so far, complicated and full of potential road blocks. Literally, getting caught in traffic with a screaming newborn in the backseat is not my idea of fun. But we did it today! On the way in I got a flu shot (cross your fingers this will not make me sick). We visited with Diana at the VNA as well. Let me tell you that LJ is a huge lady-killer. He had all of the ladies melting with just a bat of his little eyelashes.

The melting continued when we arrived at Aunt Mahlman's apartment. We were her welcoming crew to Boston today and boy am I glad that the little man delivered. He smiled and chatted with Aunt Mahlman, it was like they were best friends from way back. No melt downs at all! He even helped as Mom and Aunt Mahlman decorated her bedroom.
Tomorrow is Gymboree! Then, in the evening he gets to go to a farm for dinner with Nana, Pa and Mom and Dad. We can't wait to see the horses, chickens, sheep and pigs at Spencer-Peirce Little Farm in Newbury. Good times await!

He continues to scream bloody murder every once and a while, even thought I stopped dairy. So, I am back on dairy... I rationalize this as we both need our calicum! I have actually started an excel spreadsheet that I will chart soon monitoring everything I eat, every time he eats, and his fussy and sleep periods. It is neat to see that during the day the little guy tends to be awake for an hour to an hour and a half, then sleeps for an hour. Who knew until I wrote this down? I know what you are thinking - who does and excel spreadsheet for this? Yes, I will be that crazy mom...

This week though I am noticing a lot. He pretty much is having full-blown conversations with us now. Of course he is just making various sounds and smiling a lot, but I swear I understand what he is saying. Waking up time is the best. I hope to get this on video, it is priceless to see his shining face in the mornings when he is ready for the day - he certainly does not get this from Mom or Dad, I wonder who? I swear he thinks that waking up is the best and most exciting thing ever!

And, I will spare you the gory details, but after a short hiatus, Senor Poopy Pants has made a comeback. You know, when you need to change his outfit? Well, this week I needed to change my own outfit at one point! I do not mind that we are going through his clothes - about three outfits a day at least - though, as this is the last warm week - today was probably the last warm day, and I wanted to get as much use out of the summer things as possible.

Ok, back to laundry!

Fabulous Aunt Pat

This weekend we went to New York to visit my Great Aunt Pat (which makes her LJ's Great, Great Aunt Pat - we decided to shorten it to Fabulous Aunt Pat). It was a quick trip, but a great trip indeed!
We left first thing Saturday morning to drive down, it only takes 4 hours surprisingly enough to get to Queens from New Hampshire. First thing Sunday morning we were on the road back home. It was a nice surprise for Aunt Pat, who turned 90 years young yesterday. Look at the photos, can you believe this woman is 90? We did not want to tell her we were coming, for fear we would need to cancel last minute and create some disappointment. Luckily, all cooperated and we were able to make the quick trip.
I was surprised how judicious we were in packing, we did not bring the whole kit and kaboodle, but rather only the extreme essentials. This of course still consisted of a trunkload by the time you have clothes, cooler, pump and pack n' play...but still.

He really is the best baby ever, as he only fussed for about a grand total of ten minutes for each ride. We stopped half way and got Mom and Dad some fuel, changed the little guy and were on the road again. I think the most painful part of the trip was just lugging around the stupid pump (you knew I had to add some sort of breastfeeding comment!).
So, Aunt Pat seemed to really love the little guy. How could you not? She wanted to hold him a bunch, which really surprised us. Not that we thought she was going to want to stay away from him, but Aunt Pat seems to identify more with older individuals. I think I was the youngest person she had known until LJ came along. And even then, she and I didn't get close until my later teen years. Our relationship truly blossomed when I was past the age of 21! I guess you would know what I meant if you knew Aunt Pat. Anyway, she loved meeting him, she had a great birthday and now has an awesome flat screen TV - she is the envy of her apartment building!

Don't Quit Your Day Job

Don't get me wrong, I love the little bugger. I love spending all day with him and I know how lucky I am that we are able to allow me to stay home and spend all day with him. But now that summer is winding down, and we are starting to get into a groove, I am wondering - oh boy, is this what I am going to be doing, now? For like a long time?

It is pretty funny when your husband comes home from work and asks "What did you do today?" My response: "We went on a 25 minute walk, screamed in a car ride to pick up a prescription, made ratatouille, and now I am exhausted." That is it, all we did, and I needed a big nap. I used to do all of that before 9am! If this is how I feel in nice weather, imagine in the wintertime?

I sort of knew this was going to happen - the grass is always greener type stuff. I am certain that if I had not left my job, right about now I would be freaking out about going back. I know for sure there is no way I could have handled my most recent job with this little guy - full time plus nights and weekends is just too much, but still - maybe there is something for me to do, to get out once in a while?

In the meantime, I must remind myself why I named this blog Mommy and Me in NE. Because, again, I knew I might go a bit stir crazy so the purpose was for me to get out with him, and for us to see new things together. Go and visit the weird, wacky and wonderful about New England. Try new things, take the dogs places too, hang out with friends, etc. Today we had a wonderful morning in Newburyport with the Cobb girls - but too bad the weather stunk. Hopefully it will cooperate next time so that we can walk along the harbor and maybe do a little shopping...
In the meantime, we are fighting colic, or a milk allergy with all of our might. Mom has stopped eating dairy and has immediately dropped 3 pounds. Baby seems to be reacting better to this, but I still can't tell. I miss my cheese! He is better without the dairy (less blood curdling screaming fits), but the fussiness is still much more noticeable than before. If it is colic, I hope it passes soon. Right now he is swaddled, sucking on his pacifier, and in his swing all at once. This, after a baby massage, mani/pedi, and nice bath (notice the PG photos above). I am hoping after his nap he will be back to happy baby boy and perhaps we can enjoy the afternoon sunshine (yes, the sun came out after Newburyport!) with a long walk.
In the meantime, I will continue to keep busy. I will be thankful for my SAHM status, and try not to go too stir crazy. I honestly think I am going to write a book. I will title it "The Truth About Breastfeeding." It will be a best seller and I will be interviewed by Meredith Viera on the Today Show for it. No one else seems to tell you the truth! My new favorite thing is hearing and reading that only less than 5% of babies have a milk allergy. Yeah, right. Pretty much every baby I know right now has one! Another thing they do not tell you because they want to guilt Mom's into breastfeeding. I have a whole conspiracy theory about this...
Till next time all, send in your suggestions for things the two of us can do together!

So many clothes...

My latest stress? How do we get the little munchkin to wear all of his excellent summer clothes, while it is turning cold and fall? We received so many wonderful outfits as gifts, and sadly they were all short sleeved... So I am trying to squeeze them in, but when it is 60 and rainy we must go toward the fall wardrobe. Today it is warm and sunny - but it is football day so of course he needs to wear his football gear (tomorrow too, his first big Patriots game, we are all very excited!).

As you see below, he is growing like a weed. He must be at least 11 pounds. We are starting to hold true to the title of the blog, and are getting around New England, a bit. Yesterday we went to a BBQ in Ipswich, at Appleton Farms. It was great to see all of my former co-workers and all of the great Trustees' volunteers. They are doing so well without me, it is like they never needed me in the first place! Just kidding, I think they miss me, or my laugh, just a little bit. Little Joel was bundled up in his carriage, and enjoyed his first trip to a working farm. He saw cows, danced (daddy made him) to some great music, and watched as we ate lots of BBQ.

Today we stopped at a craft fair in town, where Mommy got some excellent homemade whoppie pies... Then, it was off to his second working farm, Applecrest - where Mommy got some homemade Cider Donuts. I am not sure Mommy is going to fit into her old clothes anytime soon.
This week, more adventures will ensue - a trip to the vet for Angus, an ambitious plan to visit Ryan in Cambridge for lunch, and hopefully a quick visit in Newburyport. Here is hoping for warmer weather - he needs to wear this turtle outfit at least two more times...

Back to School

Labor Day Weekend was wonderful! I cannot believe that summer is over...

The whole family - my parents, Joel's parents, Jennie and Jeremy and many friends had a great time up at Sebago Lake. The weather could not have been better. The weekend got off to a slightly shaky start for me, as I was still getting over my illness - but soon enough all was better and we were back in action.

The little guy had more grandparent time then he knew what to do with! He is certainly missing all of that attention today! He had a lot of firsts - his first boat ride, his first big cocktail party (and his second), a first non-screaming walk with Pa and Nana, and his first time actually being cold outdoors. We could not believe it when on Sunday it was so cool - we needed the fireplace! I had to go to Kittery on the way home to get some long-sleeves and sweatshirts for him.
It was nice to be up there with everyone, and very sad to close up the place on Monday. Each and every year we say we will continue to go up for the Fall, and each year we find we are just too busy in September to make it happen. So, we closed everything up but will be back for a brief stay over Columbus Day weekend - where we will go up to see the leaves and then move all of LJ's things over to Sunday River for the winter. Not a bad life for the little dude (or me either for that matter!).
So, I am trying to have him wear every last summer outfit he can in these last few warm days before we move into full-flegged fall gear. We are looking forward to "back to school." Even though neither of us are going to school - something about the fall, new clothes, leaves turning colors, new tv - it is like a new beginning. We can start a new schedule, a new daily routine and try to get into the swing of things a bit. I am sad to see summer go, but looking forward to the next few exciting weekends!

Getting Everything Out of the Way

So, little Joel is doing so much better, you would never even know he was sick! But Mommy, not so much. Yesterday morning I woke up with a massive migraine. Because I do not like to take any medicine ever, I did not listen to the Drs when they told me which of the asprins it is ok to take when breastfeeding. Big mistake. I needed to call into the office to ask (can't trust the internet) and by the time they got back to me I was a bit of a mess. Tylenol is the answer by the way, and I found everything but tylenol in our cabinet. Typical! So, I toughed it out and over the course of the day the migraine turned into just simple headache.

Sadly that was not it, as the migraine went away I noticed I felt hot, I took my temperature and it said 104! I could not believe it so I thought the thermometer was wrong and ignored it. We took lots of naps and I tried so hard to get better - as that evening I was to go into Boston for an important meeting at the MFA. I had already cancelled on them before and I really wanted to be there. At 1:30 though, with a sore throat, cough and still headache I knew I needed to cancel, keep the babysitter (Nana Karen, thank you!) and just rest.

So, rest I did. But when I woke up later I knew something was still wrong. My symptoms were getting worse. I tell this story for all the new moms, or soon to be moms who tell me my blog is "very informative." You will want to write this one down. Someone who experienced the same thing told me about it, and it did not click with me until later on, at this point in the evening. I took my temp again and confirmed I had a 102.5 fever. I knew exactly at this time what I had - mastitis.

This is another joy of breastfeeding ladies. A blockage in your boob which is extremely painful and causes fever and flu-like symptoms. I called my mid-wife and she prescribed antibiotics. The baby is not harmed during this at all - and joy of joys you are supposed to continue breastfeeding through the pain (they say it helps, what? Are thy kidding? Are they evil?). I started taking the medicine last night at 11 and already I feel like a new woman.

So, moral of the story is, do not wait on your own health like I did! I am glad I listened to my gut and cancelled my meeting, though I am devastated to keep leaving the Museum in the lerch. They deserve a lot better than that!

Now off for vaccines, and then hopefully an illness-free long weekend. Grandma Hedy and Grandpa Dave arrived late last night, and we are off to see Nana Karen and Pa Ken tonight!

He's Back! (Knock on wood)

I have been holding my breath all day long... But it looks like he is back! He is eating, he has no fever, and he is not screaming in pain anymore. He is smiling and is his old self. I missed him a ton and am glad to see him back!

Now I am hoping he will stay back. His 6 week vaccines which were supposed to be yesterday, are now Thursday. Knock on wood all will be well, and we will be up in Maine for the Labor Day weekend.