Sent Survey to the School Board

When asked on the recent online survey of the 2015-2016 year at my son's small elementary/middle school if I had any suggestions, this was my response...  (they should have known I have a history of stating my thoughts on schools in the written word form). Now that I read this 6 hours later, I feel I was snarky and I didn't mean to be - I thought I was being nice...

As a working parent it is difficult to be engaged on all levels of activities as the very many engaged non-working parents.  I never really considered myself apart of this debate until my child went to LAS.  I miss very many classroom things, can never make PTA meetings because of travel, and (may have self imposed this) but feel that I am looked down upon because I can't help out as much.  I always buy materials for the classroom, and try to help where I can.  But it is tough when we get 2 weeks notice for events and things to make it happen.  And, I work locally.  I can't imagine for others. I hear from my child that so and so's mom is always in the classroom, and I am never there. Are there other things that the school needs, that working parents can provide - other than a batch of brownies here and sign up for the grandparent luncheon which can never happen because I have a board meeting on Fridays that lasts all day, etc.  How else can these parents feel involved and making an impact? 

Adding in a few points about the structure of the survey in general -- In this survey moving forward, I would separate out teachers and administrators when asking questions about support for both parents and students. I think then you might be able to glean better information on how each party is doing.  Perhaps even a question of how both parties (teachers and administrators) are working together, as per the perception of parents, would be helpful. I have had completely different experiences when working with the administration and when working with the teachers. Our teachers have always been responsive. 

I felt that many of the questions - is there enough space for certain activities, etc - are leading into the war with the townspeople over the renovation.  I would have loved those inferences not to be sprinkled throughout the survey but a small place at the bottom, and for the bulk of the questions to be about our children's experience and our thoughts on the known and changeable infrastructure of the school. How can we make the current school experience be better for our children within known and reasonable/potential actions?  We all know we need more space.  But this survey should be about what we can do to improve on where we are now.

***I worry we focus too much time and energy on this renovation which is only creating a deeper divide in our town and we are going to lose what is great about the small town community school.  It would be great to have more space, we really do need to separate gym and eating - yes - but the this is not the end of all needs. Are the administrators handling disruptions within classes well (I have had a hard time watching this from afar with our grade this year)?  Are parents feeling like they are in communication with all needs of the school - and not just who is signing up for donuts or who can volunteer for another event during the work day (see my comments above)? 

Some suggestions that go beyond space to continue to improve our ability to educate our kids -- Can we promote arts more through arts days at school; is there an art show?; do we have visiting artists come in and showcase their work? Can the kids enter their artwork into competitions to be shown at local galleries and museums? PARENT SUGGESTION here - has the art teacher ever been encouraged to reach out to parents and asked them help?  Maybe there is a parent that could give a demonstration on cyanotypes; maybe someone has an art collection to share?  Maybe someone is an artist themselves?

For spanish - can we do spanish language day where at lunch it is mexican food and they have to order in spanish? Can morning announcements be made in spanish and then english? All kids in the school go home the night before and discuss with their families - if you could go to any spanish speaking country in the world, all expenses paid - where would it be and why?  And then classroom/school discussion the next day.  What other outside the box things can we do to ensure every day is a new day to open our kids minds up to all aspects of learning, and not feel we are limited by a classroom space.

And, how can we work with the community better to feel all on the same page rather than divide further? I know many feel this is a lost cause, but I do not. The most special thing about our community is how small it is.  Do we have community members come and speak to the students to tell them what life was like in Hampton Falls years ago?  Do we do things with the local historical society ever?  Is there a frequent assembly where we can bring people in for such an event?  Or, even on the classroom level - have we explored the opportunity of working with parents/neighbors in each classroom - our grade has parents who deal with big sports athletes; run a local farm; a local museum; run half marathons/full marathons; surf; our neighbors know the history of the town; have livestock; are expert gardeners; historians and writers. Can we bring these people in to tell their stories?  This affords an opportunity to open up kids minds to the larger world around them and the possibilities that can exist for their future.  While getting to know their community. While the community gets to know them. This would attract volunteerism in new ways, from new individuals who can't miss a board meeting to help at Grandparent luncheon, but come and talk about how learning the sport of archery changed their life, and hopefully excite someone to have an interest too?  Might be more likely to happen. (in full recognition that grandparent luncheon volunteers are also needed).

I wish to stress I thank all of those on the Board and all of the very many teachers at the school, and the many parents who donate the time- all who do so much for our kids here in LAS. My suggestions are probably lost on the inability to completely understand the difficult and overwhelming situation the Board and the school's administration find themselves in on a daily basis and when making decisions.  So I hope you will not see my suggestions as a criticism but rather a reflection on the hope that our school can continue to make lemonade, and maybe if we use a different angle of trying to reach out through the community, we might be able to continue to build our dream school on a different level sometime sooner - both figuratively and literally.

Letter from the 1st Grade Teacher

This past weekend, Joel's first grade teacher's son competed at the Olympic trials for men's Marathon.  Despite a crippling injury, and knowing there was no way he would be able to finish the full marathon, he went - with his goal of being able to complete 8 miles of the course. He did.  And, being a new runner Joel and I chatted about it a bit.  Today, I get an email from his first grade teacher:


It read:

I just wanted to share a special experience I had with Joel today during our morning circle.  First of all he was the first one to ask me about my son Andrew and his race.  He so articulately shared his thoughts regarding how he should feel proud for running the eight miles and how all that really matters is that he did his very best and finishing the race wasn't the most important thing.  What he shared was so incredibly thoughtful, encouraging, and caring.   It became a very interesting lesson in determination and pride for the entire class.  I was quite touched. Certainly a conversation I will always remember. What a great kid.  I would love to relay his words to Andrew if that is OK with you.  I just wanted to share this with you.  Have a great evening.

My initial instinct for a reply was: 

I'm so glad that he said this - because in all my training for my many 1/2 marathons, he would always say things like: "how come you did not run further today?"  And, "what do you mean you placed 275th?"  "what do you mean you aren't going to win, then why run?" I mean, hundreds of times he has said things like this.  He seemed not to be able to fathom that I would be in a race that I might not try to win.  It wasn't until I made him run a mile with me (and he only completed 1/2 that mile before whining in pain), that I think I finally got through to him.

But my reply really was:

Thank you so much for sending this message along.  Of course please do share with Andrew -- and please also thank him for us as well.  His story was quite inspiring for my Joel - about working hard towards goals and not being defeated when obstacles step in your way.  We all rooted for Andrew here and were thinking of him this past weekend. Thank you for allowing his story to be apart of our family's conversation.  

It's so nice when your hard work and discussion pays off!  But it is even nicer to know that Joelly really meant everything he said, and really has grown from Andrew's story.  I'm proud of my little guy today, my little guy with big guy thoughts!

I Finally Questioned the Bus Route

Although this is in the letters category - this one was actually sent.  My first PIA letter of the year…  I wonder what the response might be!

Hello School People (names withheld!):

Hoping you guys had a great summer! We are a mix of excited and sad about summer being over. Well, that's just us- Joel can't wait!

I had some questions about the bus route. I have really just tried to go along with things because I know how hard it must be to plan this sort of thing, but I thought to ask this evening. Your note below says that kids won't be asked to cross the street for the bus. Joel crosses the street. I am likely misunderstanding the note below.   Separately. I've always wondered how last year, Joel, a kindergartner, was on the bus for 40-45 minutes each morning when he lives less than 2 miles from school.  I never wanted to be a PIA... So we just ended up driving him to school every morning and didn't get into it. (There were a few emails last year as to why people were driving to school creating long drop off lines when there is safe bus transportation - just wanted to explain why we were drop off. Not because Joel had a tough time on the bus, or because he was young, but because it was so, so much earlier than the start to school time. I think it would be interesting to poll those at drop off and see if they are the early pick ups). 

With my 2nd going to kinder next year I thought I would ask. Who can I speak to about the routes? I don't want to make a special case for my kids, that's not the point. If this is the way it is, then fine. I'm just wondering how we have the bus routes and what the rules are. Can kids cross the street? Can there be bus stops (for example the end of Cider Hill for all surrounding houses), or no? Why is my super close neighbor on an entirely different bus and she gets picked up a full 30 minutes later than Joel? I don't mean to change everything, just understand  the situation better. It would be great to figure something else a bit more workable before my lovable tornado storm James starts next year. Or also, for me to stop wondering and just understand why this is the way it is. 

Thank you, and sorry for being a pain,

Julie 

No More Old Daycare

So, a very difficult decision needed to be made recently, one that has kept me up nights -- but we made it, and it is done.  James will not be returning to our long time daycare this coming year for his final year of Pre-K.  It was so super sad.  But it is done, and now I need to move on.  But before I do - if I question myself again, here was the rationale:

I wasn't trying to move.  I had not contacted a place in 4 years.  We had put Joel Andrew on the wait list for the PEA daycare before I went back to work - before I even knew James would be arriving!  We found long time daycare and that was that.  A few years later, after there was a James, PEA daycare called to update their wait list, and I added James.  That was that, I never heard from them again.  And, I never sought to either.  Until a few weeks ago. PEA daycare called, there was an opening.  A year ago I would have never entertained it.  This year, with just James in daycare, somethings happened that made me question things.  And, so I listened to the new daycare place, went in for an interview, cried when I handed over the deposit check, but know it was the right decision, and here is why:

Joel loved his experience at old daycare.  He stayed there from 14 months all the way through Pre-K, and had a great experience his last year there.  More than great.  He loved every minute of it.  He had a wonderful class, and I still believe this is why he and his BFF Laurel are so tight.  His teachers were so great for him - he had just the right amount of structure, and just the right amount of fun.  He learned a ton, loved going to school each day, and loved everyone at school.  At the end of the year, they had an amazing graduation for him, and handed us notebooks they had been working on the whole time.  Years and years and years of photos of him growing up in their care.  We will always treasure this.

James was there this entire time as well.  His class looked like it was also going to be a special one, but then one by one kids started dropping out.  It was changing.  His class was down to five.  He loved daycare, too.  But still gets clingy at drop off.  His teachers love him there so much, and we all worked together very well to correct any issues he may have with discipline, or anything really.  He has had a great experience there.

But, after Joel was gone, I noticed a kind of emptiness at the school.  Our babysitter - who worked there for years -- left for another place.  Separately, over the past year I learned of the teacher's pay, and it kinda scared me - how could they make so little?  The director left (again, third new director since we have been there, in 4 years) -- and when the newest director came on board - she didn't introduce herself to me except when to tell me that they lost all of the money I had given them for a fundraiser.  That was her first words, her second sentence was: "so, if you can get me the money again, we'll get you your stuff."  You can imagine how that impressed upon me.  But Husband brought up a greater point: Where did the money go?  Aren't they concerned someone in their midst, who is watching our children, took it?  They did not seem concerned about that one.  And that was almost enough for me to call around, but I still didn't.

Because, there are some really great teachers at this daycare.  They are spread out one per classroom now, except for Pre-K, which we were looking forward to.  Many of the great teachers have left over the years - and the newer teachers, all seem to look about 16 and do not interact with adults/parents.  None of them introduced themselves to me, now acknowledge me when I arrive.  There are the drop offs, where I come into a room with one long time teacher, looking so tired -- and two newbies, just sitting in corners with crying babies on their laps.  I called my husband 2-3 times this year wondering if I should even leave James there.  The next time I left him I told him to just be helpful to your teachers, and he was.

This winter in the building where I leave my kids, water streamed in from the ceilings and was left unattended for weeks until I wrote a formal complaint. I was told they are in an office park, and it was a bad winter.  It was, I get it.  But -- this is a place that has babies.  This clearly should be the priority, right? It wasn't, until I wrote a letter.  Water stains still remain on the ceilings and I never once saw a carpet pulled back, though fans circulated over the surface of them, inches from toys, for weeks.

The doors were never locked, anyone could get in at anytime, and offices were directly above the stairs.  After the shooting in Ct I tearfully asked the teachers what is the evacuation plan -- and a dear teacher said she would grab the kids and run, I believe her.  But terrifying.

I don't mean to bad mouth the place -- for the sole reason there are a handful of teachers still there that I love so much, my sons were safe, and really loved there.  My kids manners were thought of, and these teachers (the ones that I grew to know over time) were amazing.  They truly embraced our kids and worked with us to ensure they were happy, and growing well and being respectful.

The worst part, my complaints-- & the other noise in the background-- would likely be irrelevant next year if James were to stay.  The Pre-K stays to Pre-K, and the two teachers there are longtime ones that our family has grown to love.  New Daycare does not have a solid Pre-K curriculum, and is blended with 3 and 4 year olds - I'm not sure how this will go with James.  New Pre-K does not do a notebook of progress all year long, does not have a graduation.  Will this be ok?  New Pre-K does not have Robin and Heather.  I am terribly upset about this.  Will it have enough structure for James?  Will it help him make a jump to Kindergarten for next year?  Or is this the best thing for James?  Joel thrives on structure, rules, and is constantly intrigued by learning and getting to the next level.  James is a bit more laid back, maybe this environment is good for him?  The owner of this new facility is arguably the best prep school in the entire country, and services all of the staff at this school - I have to believe they know what they are doing?

The new place is immaculate.  No one wears shoes.  Each parent needs a key card to get in.  There are multiple rooms and the playground has sand and wood chips, not dirt, for a base.  There are toys that haven't been donated or handed down.  And, when we showed up they (the kids and the teachers) were making waffles from scratch, with the kids.  Old daycare reheats french toast sticks.  Again, I am not bashing old daycare for what it was, I really do think it is clearly a price tag issue here.  You cannot put a price tag on the love old daycare's teachers felt for my kids.  The care and attention they gave them, the friendships we formed. That was priceless.

But, for this last year, we are going to try something different.  James will be right across from my office.  He will be the BMOC, and he will be an official student of PEA.  We will be paying double what we did before. He will get fancy toys, and be in a fancy facility, and doing fancy things, just 50 feet from my office. And, I will be continually heartbroken about missing out on old daycare, and graduation, and pre-K teachers.

BUT, I will need to stop loosing sleep over this.  Because.  Joel Andrew had a wonderful experience at Old Daycare, he loved it, and will always have that experience.  We got to know many of these wonderful teachers, and we will go and visit and each time we drive by that area we will always be happy to say that is where the boys went when they were little.

This is James' turn to try something different, and in the end this was James' decision.  We brought him to New Daycare, and he was sold.  I am sure part of the immediate decision making was the pretty place, but also the fact that James had not been to old daycare for weeks, since we take him out every summer anyway.  Alas, here we are.  Decision has been made.

Now James is onto Pre-K.  At PEA.  I hope they are prepared! And, I hope my board member who also happens to be the PEA vice-Principal knows he is going to need to stand and take a photo shaking my son's hand in a cap and gown next spring, I will make a graduation, dammit!

Accomplishments and Endings

Joel Andrew is at his last day of Kindergarten today.  I'll be taking a picture of him as he gets off the bus to end the year.  Then I have a first grader.  A first grader?  Quite terrifying.  I mean, kindergarten is cute and all, and that was a tough transition for me - but first grade, I am old.  Fast forward is going to go even faster now.  8 more years left of school before high school. He is turning 6.  This is so scary.

He continues to be a delight and smart person.  Joel Husband and I did a good job if I say so myself.  We need to work a little better on James…  No, James is good too, just in a wild way.  Joel is calm, thoughtful, patient, and can manipulate to get a way he wants.  James should learn from this!  I know not to compare them, it is hard not too - they are different people.  Joel can learn from James happy go lucky attitude and to not let things get you upset.  Actually, I guess we could all learn from that.

Anyway, I digress.  I am getting besides the point here.  Last day of kindergarten.  Joel received the Award for Excellence the other day, and I missed it.  I didn't realize that he was getting it!  Only 9 out of the 27 kindergartners get an award the entire year, only 3 on this particular day, and I missed it. (confusion and work together made for a sad, sad mommy).  But he was so, so proud.  And so am I!

Here is our note from Mrs. Middleton about his big moment, and his progress this year:

HI,

I am sorry if there was any confusion.  Every trimester the K-2 teachers each pick a student for most improved, excellent effort and citizenship.  The assembly is held on the day of the middle school honor role breakfast.  All the kids in the school get awards for various things!  It is a pretty lengthy assembly.  All we do is stand up front with Mr. Deblois and hand out the awards.  Unfortunately, there isn't enough time to say anything great about each student.  I wish that we could.  It is just a quick call out the child's name.    

He has made so much progress this year!  He is such a riot and I have loved working with him this year!  He has a great sense of humor and is always willing to take a chance!  That is what I loved so much about him!  At the end of the day we do this dancing go noodle website.  He is not afraid to be himself!  He dances around and it is a blast watching him.  If I can video it today, I'll send it to you!  I will miss him next year!

I hope that you and your family have a great summer and I can't wait to see Joel in the hallways and watch him grow as a learner over his time at LAS!

So proud of my little guy, love him to the moon and back.  Here's hoping we have a fantastic summer of fun!

Glitter

Dear Art Teacher at School,

I received an unwelcome surprise when I looked through my son's take home folder today.  I had yet to open it up and see my arch nemesis.  But, alas, there it finally was.  Glitter.

Because I was unprepared for such a heinous act, the glitter now is all over my kitchen, my feet, my dog.

The Williams family shun glitter.  People who send us glitter cards for the holidays are put on a blacklist.  I understand you guys are all about fun and learning, but keep that crap in the classroom.

Now I am faced with the crazy dilemma of what to do with my son's handmade artwork, with his handprint on it.  Like I didn't have enough of a struggle of what to do with his artwork already, and now you throw this kink in.

I know, I will send it to Nana and Pa.

Dear Our Teacher (bullying)

Hello Mrs. Middleton,

I hope you are not reading this - this weekend, and are enjoying a nice weekend off.  I am writing now because it is top of the mind only and not because I expect a response even before Monday evening.

Joel has been loving kindergarten, he comes home every day happy and animated and will not stop talking about the days events.  I have learned that he has changed tables from Laurel and Avery to Eddie, McKinley and Meghan.  Do you know why that is?  Maybe it was good to have Joel and Laurel both branch out, I know at least in the Joel side he would always only be with Laurel if he had a choice!  But I do want to check in to see what happened there, is there a specific reason why Joel was moved?

We totally hit the "kindergarten wall" a few weeks ago.  A member of my Museum's Board of Directors, Bob took me aside to tell me at an event just a few nights before, and told me that Joel would soon be hitting the Kindergarten Wall.  I listened to him and said we will be ready!  Then, it happened.  The newness had worn off, the routine had set in and the largeness of the whole school thing had hit him.  He came home each day still animated, but tired.  By dinner he was teary, and asking for bed.  At bedtime, which had moved up considerably at his request, he would seem burdened and heavy.  Upon further inspection, he was just "overwhelmed."  Glad he knows that word!  This lasted a week.

In other news, and the true reason for my email today… my heart has been breaking each day for the past few days as Joel tearfully tells me that he is having a hard time on the bus.  The exact quote that he said to me, through my, many tears last night was: "I asked everyone to share a seat with me on the bus and no-one would."  After posting this on Facebook, because how else to you deal with your emotions these days, many agreed this is pretty much the saddest thing ever.  My boy is awesome.  He is kind, and sensitive and optimistic.  This is ruining all of this, and ruining it all too soon.  WTF, Man?  who are these hooligans on the bus?  What are they doing to this awesome kindergarten boy?  He is not the smelly kid!

Further inspection with Joel Andrew elicited the information that brothers - one of which is in his class and one of which is older and should know better - tease him.  They pinch him, they call him a "bad man"  I find this insulting and ridiculous on a number of fronts.  My son is not yet a man.  And, tag teaming him?  Really?  Who are these people?  I would think they were the O'Doyles (Billy Madison reference there) - except I met the mother, when I hosted her in my house a few nights ago and she seems incredibly nice and reasonable and that she would shutter (shudder, your the teacher, correct me) if she ever knew this happened.  So, what do I do, what to we do?  How can this happen when my guy is 5 years old?  He is awesome!  We live in a school district with a total of 250 students, K-8.  How can this happen?

I am sad. I am upset. I am handling this much worse than my 5 year old.  But I am somewhat grateful that my boy is the boy that would never do this.  Please let me know what we should do. He doesn't deserve this at all.

Julie

Letter to the Kindergarten Teacher I Wanted To Send

Dear Mrs. Middleton,

It's been almost two weeks and I thought I would finally check-in in regards to Joel Andrew in your class.  Our little guy started off Kindergarten feeling a bit under the weather.  This week he has rebound in full force and comes home - cannot stop talking, daily.  Thank you for making this transition for him a smooth one.  He loves everything about Kindergarten!

I'm not sure if all the parents have written you yet, and I am the last one.  I'm not sure if this is even appropriate however so much of my son's life is now in your classroom and I think two weeks of not having that quick check-in at the end of the day like we had with Daycare has gotten to me, so I thought I would just share some small tidbits and open the door for you to let me know if he is being snarky!

Also, I should let you know this experience has been fun, kind of like detective work.  I have had to put on my creative hat in order to get info. out of him like nothing before.  Putting my fundraising and management skills to the test.  So, here is what I have gleamed thus far:

There is a color code system.  Green is you are doing good.  Yellow means no recess.  Red means you go to the Principal.  When asked if just he heard this conversation, or if this was shared with the entire class he noted - everyone heard it.  But, he had so much detail, so many particulars about colors, the Principal's name, made me think that this was a conversation just meant for him.  Please clarify.  Joel Andrew is a delight and generally a rule follower, but he can and will lie his pants off.

Whatever the cinnamon things are that are at snack on Wednesdays are his new favorite things on earth.  I hope he eats at lunch. My boys eat a ton.  Yesterday he came home and ate 15 chicken nuggets.  I wonder if this is because of all the energy expelled, or if it is because he does not eat in school because he can't focus on it.

He is having pre-marital issues with his best friend and future wife Laurel.  His future mother-in-law and I talked this over yesterday.  It is very hard for us you know.  We have plans!  (plus, how could we watch our little guys - who have been like peas and carrots - get so upset over each other?  really heart wrenching!).

We think it was a huge misunderstanding involving Joel's desire to play Ninja Turtles and Laurel's desire to go down the slide that escalated quickly into broken engagements that made them both upset.  I told Joel Andrew that the toughest thing about Kindergarten is being able to juggle all those pretty awesome friends - and he needed to be more sensitive.  Joel seemed to want to ignore that he played any part in making Laurel break the engagement.  As I explained to him, women only get mad for a reason and that reason is usually something the men have done-- so boy, what have you done?  Further conversation enlightened both Joel and myself, and he is prepped to go in today and give Laurel a hug, tell her that her new haircut is Beautiful, and let her know that she is always welcome to play with him - no matter who he is playing with.  He told me that this conversation would have to wait until recess though, as line-up is serious business.  You can't talk at carpet time and recess is the only time to chat with friends.  Tight ship, Mrs. Middleton, I like it!

He keeps referring to one boy who "doesn't listen."  I hope that is not him in third person.

He talks a lot about Avery.  At first he referred to Avery as "she" but we quickly figured out he had his pronouns wrong.  Hopefully this Avery character is a good upstanding citizen.

Do you know why he is on the bus for an hour each morning before he gets into school?  Our town is like 5 square miles.  There are 200something kids in the entire K-8 school, and 4 busses.  How is it possible that it takes an hour for his bus to get to school?  When I was in high school I designed the middle school bus routes as part of my Engineering class senior year, perhaps I can help.

Oh, and I should tell you.  We are going away for 5 days just about the time when you will have your classroom and routine settled for him and you.  We will rip him out mid-day on a Wednesday and not return him until the following Thursday, the day before a 3-1/2 day holiday weekend.  This is sure to bode well for all.  Don't worry…  It is not for a family emergency or event - we need to go to Disney World!

I just wanted to say that we are thrilled and so excited that Joel is loving school.  I can only hope that he is being as good as we hope he is being for you everyday.  If not let us know - no more Octonauts for a week!

Sincerely,
Joel's Mom