James & the Potty

James & the potty - here is a love-hate relationship.  Sometimes you ask him if he needs to go to the potty and it is a complete excitement and he tries to unsuccessfully pull his own pants off and goes through the whole ceremony of it all and is super proud.  Other times it is a full on tantrum at the thought that he needs to go potty.  He goes occasionally.  He asks rarely (until recently) - and the lack of potty training I blamed on me for being too lazy to ask him to go every 20 minutes.  But he has been better the last few weeks…  So, I think it is time to pull the trigger and get it done.  To get it done, WE need to do it differently.

Sometimes you need to parent to the personality of the child.  You just have to throw out the rule books and say, this kid is different.

James is stubborn, willful and manipulative.  I'm not trying to sugar coat anything here.  These are not all of his qualities.  He is also loving and gentle.  I mean this in a way that it is Joel Husband and I's responsibility to channel these powerful traits for good and not evil.  We think we can do it.  It takes a lot of energy - but sometimes these traits - stubborn, willful and manipulative can be used for good.  Case in point, I use them every day in my job as a Fundraiser! (yes, I am admitting he might have gotten all this from me)

But, stubborn, willful and manipulative are not good qualities when trying to use "the positive method" of potty training.  Not at all.  We see no response whatsoever from "the positive method" - other than, if he is in the mood and you are positive there are lots of high fives.  If he is not in the mood, there is nothing.  No positivity can help when we ask him, "why did you go in your diaper?" and his response, with a look and toddler garble is basically: "because it is easier, and I don't care, you fools are the only ones who care and I could care less.  Take that M&M and shove it wherever.  I am going to go play in my own feces now."

So, with that in mind, and with a stellar daycare who is backing us up all the way (there are many parents who just stopped diapers altogether, lots of accidents…  I am not sure I could handle that, too much of a germy - also, read above, James does not mind being in his own urine and feces…).  But, this week we figured out something he does mind, and it is being without pants.

It is cold out, but we have heat people so don't call Child Services.  Two nights ago James pooped his pants and had no good explanation for it so Joel Husband changed his pull up, putting a new diaper on, and then refused to put on his pants.  James freaked.  We explained, if he wears a pull up, and poops in it, we can't put pants on anymore.  Too much.  He continued to freak.

Side bar, and ironically: the only article of clothing James can completely put on at present are his pants.  He can reach the shelf with all his pants on them.  Don't tell him though. He didn't think of any of this and spent the entire evening trying to figure out how he can manipulate me to get his pants back on.  Awesome.

Anyway, so without pants he ate dinner and with total manipulativeness on our side Joel Husband and I responded that he will get them back when he shows us he can poop on the potty.  This was for about two hours.  He went to bed with PJ pants on, went to school with pants on, I thought the effect wore off.   But ever since has been ASKING to poop on the potty.  I am not dumb, I know this can be a fluke, but could this be our answer?  Hmmm…. No pants party all weekend maybe!