My Son Wants to be a Police Officer

(From something I wrote a few days ago, but didn't publish until now)

Joel Andrew told me the other day, when he grows up he wants to be a police officer.  Then he told me it is because they say what is right and what is wrong and they can't get in trouble.

To lighten the mood -- before you all think I am going there --, and not allude immediately to Ferguson or anything else, let me tell you this was in response to me, having been pulled over a few months ago for speeding.  The kids were in the car and have never forgotten it, and like to bring it up a ton.  When they do bring it up I always suggest:  Mommy was doing something wrong, and the policeman noticed and was helping.  He was helping to make sure I didn't do anything unsafe. We are glad he talked to Mommy that day.  (PS Mommy never got a ticket, and was very nice to said officer.  As you should be.  Always.)

But, it troubled me, because how should I respond?  I have so many people on Facebook who are so passionate, either side right now.  And it bugs me.  And now my child is unwittingly asking me about this too.  And, how do I respond?  Why does it bug me - everyone's opinion on Facebook?  You can probably guess.  But, as I am writing this here for my children, a time capsule for them to read - and who knows, 20 years from now I might read this and not like it - but this is why.  All my friends who have husbands, sisters, children in the police force are uncontrollably upset over this entire situation.  And then I have other friends who are siding with those who are shutting down highways, killing police officers, and making it about them.

Ok, yes, that was an inflamed comment there.  And, I probably just lost a ton of friends by saying it.  But for my time capsule's sake, I did.  It is a true observation. Most people, like myself previous to this post, are not saying anything - and that is the right approach.  How can you comment on something you do not know or understand?  If there is anything I can pass onto my kids from this, it is that.  If you do not know or understand it, don't comment on it. 

I do not know or understand what it is like to be a police officer.  I have a job - where I have remarked on many different accounts - where no one dies if I do something wrong (or if they do, it was a freak accident).  I am not a surgeon, I am not a paramedic, I am not a police officer.  I go to work every day worrying about will I raise enough money?  Will the roof cave in?  Will someone try to steal something?  These are real worries, but at the end of the day - even if these things happen, it will all be ok.  

I do not know what it is like to be on the fringe of society.  I am law abiding.  I work hard and meet challenges head on.  I whine, I complain, I am very lucky.  But I do everything (almost) to a T.  If I drink too much, I do not drive.  If I can't afford something, I do not buy it, and I won't steal it.  But I am also lucky.  I do not know what it is like to not have a next meal in mind.  I am planning fifteen meals ahead, and sometimes 15 meals from now I am anticipating a $160+ tenderloin roast or a $80+ wine bottle in a restaurant.

So, who am I to comment?  

I'm a Mom of someone who may or may not be a white police officer. I am a friend to many who are married to police officers.  Oh, and I live here too.

I am not sure about each situation, and so I cannot speak to it.  Why, or why not the police officers were indicted in specific incidents is beyond me, but I have to hope that our system is checking that.  To say that our system is broken because people do not like the way it worked out in 1-5% of the occasions is not ok.  

One of my friends (on Facebook), who has a husband for a police officer, posted that every 58 hours a police officer is killed, and what is done about that?  Perhaps that is why I feel so strongly here.  In our little area of the seacoast of NH, which is 98.9% white, I have learned about two police officer murders in the past 2-3 years.  This is a ton.  There are less than 2,000 people in my town, and one of them killed an officer before he killed himself in James' little lifetime.  Perhaps because they were both white this is not in the national debate, but it should be.

Imagine going to work everyday, worrying about if this car you pull over will be the one that ends your life.  Makes your spouse and children without.  Imagine being out on patrol, and trying to distinguish whether someone is going to use deadly force, or not.  What's the difference between a friendly slap and a deadly take down?  Yes - do not use outlawed techniques - but what if a repeat offender, who is towering over you, weighs twice as much of you, is arguing with you loudly?  What would you do to ensure you are going home to your family?  I don't know.  I will never know.  I cannot judge.

All I can do, is if a police officer pulls me over, follow the rules.  Do not argue.  Listen to him and do as he says.  If I do that, I have to hope it will be ok.  And it has been for me.  I'm not sure why - maybe it is because I am white, and I am privileged, or maybe it is because I am slightly terrified/yet thankful/yet concerned when a cop pulls me over or speaks to me.  Maybe it is that respect. That they noticed I was doing something wrong, and that they are here to make sure I do things right. 

I cannot imagine the many thousands of police officers that do have the community's best interest at heart.  The two that were sitting unwittingly in their police cruiser just a few hours ago.  I am sheltered, yes - but I think they were there, innocent bystanders, doing their jobs.  Vs, other criminals who were not.  This is not a race thing.  This is a right vs. wrong thing.  And, I know that many, many people who were right were probably injured because too many people who were wrong fought back and did not listen.

I hope these communities can heal, and the only way I can see this happening is if those on the opposite side of the law - those who steal, sell illegal things, run from authority, stop.  Stop, and join the fight.  Be the ones that stand up for your community. Not by shutting down highways, but by being those brave people that are the ones that put their lives on the line every.singe.day. to uphold the law.  Be the ones that arrest those who are doing wrong.  Be the ones in that situation where you have to worry if your family will ever see you again.  Not because you are doing something wrong, but because you are doing something right.  If this happens, then we all win.  Then, the people who are always doing something right but get hurt because they reached for their wallet at the wrong time, won't get hurt.  Then, we might be a better society.

So, if my son wants to foster a better society, he should.  And, world - we have 15 or so years to make sure this society is better and will not judge him for saving his own life, while upholding the law, while being white.