Listen

I can get a mother of the year award for what I did tonight (sarcasm).  It was a tough day at work. A day of computers getting viruses that we can't pay to fix, bookkeepers quitting, and Presidential Candidates showing up unannounced 20 minutes before I need to get my kids from camp, and without Board approval of Presidential candidate visits.  Alas…

In the car ride home Joel and James are screaming at the top of their lungs.  Joel is ripping and throwing about his project from camp.  I ask them to quiet down. I look out the window and worry about the candidate visit. I hear screaming from the back seat. I ask them to quiet down again. I change the channel on the radio to a better song, and stop at the train tracks because the dump truck in front of me did. I ask them to quiet down a third time. I start to think about what we will eat for dinner, and they scream and scream. The fourth time it occurs to me-- I just continue to ask the same thing and they just continue to ignore me and the worst part -- I have allowed this to be allowable. So, I snap.  I reach back behind me and I grab Joel's project from camp - the one he was ripping and throwing around, and I crumple it up into a ball and throw it into the passenger seat.  I now have two attentive boys.  I quietly explain I would alike them to stop yelling.  I get two "yes, Mommy"'s.  One boy curls his lips and starts to cry.  The other boy whispers to his brother: "Don't worry Joelly, we will fix it." We drive home the remainder of the way in silence.  And, sadly I loved the silence.  Mother of the year.

As I type this some Hampton Falls real mother of the year bikes by with her child - likely doing the Hampton Falls Bike challenge.  Really, lady?  You have nothing else to do?  It is 7:19!  Put your kid to bed.

It has been a tough day.

Anyway, back into my story. We get home and same thing happens at dinner, this time husband and I both lose it. When did kids start to tune us out?  How did we allow it to be ok to repeat ourselves fifteen times? At work I repeat myself all day long.  Joel makes fun of me and says: "oh no one can be as perfect as you" - but the reality is, it's basic people.  The more I assist you the more you feed into it and the more I need to assist you.  I think it is the same with kids, at some point.  I am not sure when you impart on others that they need to figure it out for themselves.  At work they ask, where is a tape measure?  I'm not sure, look.  I'll be busy dealing with the politician, and the money we need to raise. And the computer that won't log me in anymore.  You can find the tape measure all yourself, thanks.

Again, it was a tough day.

So, I said to Joel Andrew tonight at bedtime.  Do you understand, that Mommy gets more and more angry the more times I have to ask the same question?  He agreed.  I told him, I really don't want to yell.  Yelling can sometimes make you feel better for a second, but it makes you feel worse for a long time.  He agreed.  So, I ask him, what can I say, maybe on my second time asking the same question, which will then make you listen to us?  Is there a code word that will get your attention?  You know, so I do not have to repeat myself again?  This code word, when I say it - it will make you and your brother stop in your tracks and you will know - oh wait, I shouldn't drown out this noise, Mommy or Daddy are actually trying to tell me something?  Something that maybe important, life saving - or may just be a regular question, but she needs an answer and it would be respectful to give her an answer. What would that word be Mommy?  What could it be?

He thought long and hard.  Joel actually put his finger to his chin and tapped it a few times and made a "thinking" noise.  Then, he had a look of eureka in his eyes and said: "I have it Mommy!"  - I waited eagerly to hear the genius solution to the family communication problem.  I will suddenly materialize patience, and my boys respect, at the utterance of this one key word.  And, at that promise I ask my son what this word is, and he replies:

"Mommy, what if you just said,"  and he gets serious and utters this word with distinction: "Listen!"

Really, Joelly?  "Listen!"  You will listen if I say "Listen?"  Let's try this out tomorrow.  What's your bet on this one?  Will it work?  This is why I drink a lot of wine at night and watch the Bachelorette.  There must be a better way.

(PS - mother of the year is biking by us again now.  My guess is at least it is a short trip for them tonight.  Maybe I can pull it together, and we can do fun things like this tomorrow?).