New York - Mommy Will Live

One week ago I had a glorious trip to NYC, without the rest of the family.  I visited old friends from all corners of my younger earth, and it was awesome.  I stayed in a hotel room all by myself for four days - and I walked 20+ miles, (as well as ran 15+).  I went to three of the five boroughs, and I bought some things too.  I ate out at restaurants and not one time corrected anyone on their manners, or told anyone to hurry up. I went with the flow.  Did I tell you it was awesome?

On this trip I met with my camp friends - we have been friends since we were 12.  We are all very different people, and we are all in very different stages of life.  From one camp friend having three kids, oldest 10 years old - to another who just got engaged.  Two have little littles, two are talking about kids some day, and then there is me - with the second oldest of the children of all.  This weekend, and talking to all of them - made me realize one huge thing, something I have been leaning towards for a while now, it has been subtly changing towards this direction and I have been sad about it, but now I will not be, it is time.  My kids are no longer babies.

There, I said it.  And I am happy with it too.  James will be 5 and in Kindergarten, Joel is to be 7 and in 2nd grade.  They are not babies anymore.  There is no longer a stroller.  It is a lot harder for me to get them to wear "handsome" clothes.  They do not smile for pictures as easily or hold my hand as easily.  They are starting to lie to me about small things, and they are forming their distinctive personalities and tastes.  And they will be in school full time and they will not be having Mommy days anymore.  And I am ok with that.

The trip made me realize - I am my own person too and my achievements and accomplishments are happening at the same time as theirs.  I know that this should be evident, but I have been measuring our years on their ages and their skills and accomplishments.  I have accomplished a ton too in this meantime.  Speaking with my camp friend's father, he couldn't believe all I have done for the Museum.  He asked about my kids, but then he asked about me.  And my life.  I have a life too!  It isn't all about them!

So many things exclamation pointed this - and it all came to a huge end result which was one day - and that day isn't actually too far off - my kids will be leaving to lead their own lives, and then -- GASP!  I will still have my life!  I could be 50, the kids will be in college, and I could be moving back to NYC to be a Museum Director somewhere here.  Believe it or not, the idea of this - of having this path to shoot for, that there will be life alongside and life after, really did not occur to me.

So, instead of spending the trip sad for all of the NY I had missed when I moved away to have my kids.  Instead of spending it pining for the old days of working at the Met, and whining about how I missed out on my kids - I spent it excited that in the future I may get here again.  They may get here again too.  There is so much ahead, and so much to do in the meantime. Not a bad optimistic view after visiting the September 11th memorial and reliving the memories from my first year out of college, 15 years ago.  Where will I be 15 years from now?  Who knows - I hope still here, and I hope it will be exciting!