Each year I make resolutions, and each year I review them. Here are the 2015 resolutions, and the review.
ORIGINAL POST - with diagnosis written in, in Blue.
I think 2014 I fell off the Resolution Map. 2012 was one of my best years for making and keeping/being productive for resolutions. Then I went back to work full time and I lost it. I tried to rekindle in 2013, and did one main thing - solved the full time job thing while unknowingly walking into a ridiculously stressful thing. So that was it. No resolutions and focus for 2014. So, resolutions for 2015… make some? Let's be bold and daring and put it all out there. This is what I think I need to do for 2015:
1. Focus: Be as simple as possible in the execution of all things, and relax. Not everything can get done, do the best I can with what needs to get done immediately.
I have to say, I have become more efficient. I am really good at executing many things at once, and getting ahead of the game. Unfortunately, this was not my original intention. I think the intention was to do what needed to be done quicker so that we could focus on the good things in life. Instead, I get what needed to be done quicker and then see how much else I can get done in the newfound time - still ignoring the more important things in life. Note to self for 2016 resolutions...
2. Stop Eating Like a Big Fat Pig: In the past, my resolutions were not so aggressive, but they did say lose 10 pounds. I have a lot more than 10 to go now. I need to stop the uncontrollable eating by figuring out why it happens. I need to eat better in general, more fruits and veggies. Less cheese and starch. I need to remember I like fruits and veggies, and I like to cook. I should cook. When I go out to eat, I don't always have to get the worst thing on the menu, I like lots of stuff. And, if I am full… Don't eat! If I am not full, eat something small so I don't get ravenous and explode. I know this. I need to do this. Good luck 2015 me. We will start next week because I am tired this week and don't want to think about it...
I lost 10 pounds. And it wasn't from less eating. I still eat like a big fat pig. See later resolutions, but again, a note for 2016. No one wins when I shove my face with food.
3. Children, more: Less housework, less organizing, less ignoring the kids and more playing, being, talking, doing with them. Having them help me with laundry, with dinner, with everything. This is the same from 2013. I need to do this. My poor son has the stomach bug and today I did my nails while we watched a movie. Then he pooped his pants, the couch, the bath mat, everything. But my nails were wet so I passed the issue - which included a devastated and really sad and upset little boy who just wanted a hug from his mommy - off to my husband. Who is this selfish being? (well, to be fair to me I was up with said boy from 2:30am on…). But still. Stop it. Go back to #1, and focus, dammit!
This continues to not happen with me.
4. Less Party: I have had many, many episodes of party lately. The most recent one was epic in ridiculousness and inappropriateness and cannot be written on the web. Nothing too terrible, but certainly nothing too smart either. This is after an epic holiday partying session. I have become known as the person who stays up late partying with other people's husbands, as inevitably all of the other ladies go to bed, and my husband with them (separate rooms people, and nothing funny happens with me and the men, get your mind out of the gutter!!!). But, really. I am now 35. Not 20. It is time to grow up. & Drink lots of water, in between my wine. I worry though that if I have less party, so will so many of our friends because I think I bring the party and ensure it continues… Maybe I am wrong. 2015 experiment. If we hear, wow - that was a comparatively tame evening to ones we had last year, I will know… Or, maybe all of us are getting older so I am doing everyone a favor? Or maybe it has nothing to do with me… though I have been told I am an alcohol pusher. Not for 2015 people!
Ok. I drink water between wine, and since NYE of 2015, I have not stayed up later with a friend's husband at all! I have learned to go to bed earlier! Yay, me. But less party? Absolutely not. More party. I party harder, more controlled, and get more sleep and less hungover the next day. I have mastered running long runs after a night of drinking. I have found balance. Can I keep this going into 2016? I HOPE SO!
5. Read: I miss this, I did this well the past few years but have fallen off the wagon. There are a ton of good books out there and so many that I have already purchased. I also did not get rid of my audible membership and have like 10 book waiting so I better get on this! Related to this - go to Book Club more and read the books this time!!!
Didn't happen, 2016 it will. We had the best Book Club reunited event in December this year (the only book I read this year, and the only time ALL of us who went to book club actually read the book. I love those guys. I gave them all napkins that read: "My book club can drink your book club under the table." We are continuing this, dammit.
6. Stop Stressing: My job has become very stressful, and I am not sure if I can do it all. Things have reached a new level of stress and I have stopped sleeping. I need to learn to shut it off (the stressful overall parts) and be able to jump back in and focus on them when I am physically there or needed.
Still working at this, will always work at this, but honestly -- it has gotten better. I hope!
7. Be Mindful: Kind of opposite of number 6, but I think it can work in tandem here… I owe it to my job to be thinking about my job more, and in different and exciting ways which will invigorate me too. I have become so stressed that when I am away I shut down and forget about work - but I cannot do that either. In order for my job to do well I have to remember to tell everyone all about what I do, think outside the box about what we could be doing and meet and mingle with new people too.
Also still working at this. Need to not make this a NYResolution, but a life lesson for the boys, it is all about balance and enjoyment.
8. Purge: Get rid of all of the baby things that we no longer need. So someone else can use them before they are outdated or recalled. This is from all years, and this is the one thing I did really well in 2014. I hope to continue this and I have a few ideas in mind of where things can go. Once and for all I need to admit that there will be no more mini-me's and stop talking about that, focus on the kiddos I got and making room for their bigger boy toys.
OMG I got so good at this, this year!!! I did, it was hard to let those little guys - who are now bigger guys, go..! But now there is room for stuff, and new stuff which keeps them happy, and fancy stuff which they are old enough to know not to touch. I am starting to embrace this.
9. Sleep: self explanatory. See #6. Stop freaking myself out in the middle of the night.
Except for last night, the last 3 months have been a "dream" for me. I figured it out. No ipad in the middle of the night, don't start thinking about work, there is nothing you can do about it anyway at that time. I think the kicker was when someone broke into our house at 4am in June. It set off weeks and weeks of me being unable to sleep, thinking there was someone in our home. I stopped worrying about work and house stuff, and only worried about the psycho killer who I thought was again in my home. Anyway, after figuring out the alarm, and starting to feel safe again, then came sleep (and perspective for previous ridicoulos things that woke me up). Don't get my wrong I still wake up in the middle of the night and worry, but then I make myself go back to bed. And do. Or do I go back to be because of the upped alcohol intake? See 2016 resolutions. And, note, I will also be getting an awesome guard dog in 2016 too...
10. Relax: Take deep breaths. Try yoga? Find a new way to have something for me-time that is also productive. No need for spa days. Let's try this. I have "verbally" committed to running a 1/2 marathon in 2015. November. Disney. Should I write it down that I commit to it as well? I ran one 5K and think I can do it… Maybe I can? Maybe running can help me to process, relax, be mindful, listen to books, think about eating better, etc. Eh. how could something so horrible sound like it might be the magic bandaid?
I re-read this, and this is the whole reason why we make resolutions, people. Sometimes they work. In 2015, I ran 3 1/2 marathons, in as many months. I ran 425 miles, 55 miles of which were in races. One of my 1/2's ended up a 7miler, because of inclement weather - and instead of pouting I woke up at 5:30 two days later and ran 13.1 by doing circles around my hotel, wearing the original race bib. I got back to the hotel room only to wake my boys up and still have the best look of surprised I have ever seen on my husband's face. My last 1/2 of 2015, I shaved 10 minutes of my first 1/2 time, with only a difference of 2-1/2 months. Productive, yes. A chance to process, relax, yes. Cheaper than going to a spa a day or two here or there - not sure, really... There are lots of hidden costs in shoes and race fees. Am I more mindful? Haven't listened to books, but listened to 100s of dirty rap songs. Am I eating better - yes, and no. But mostly, yes. I eat more because I just ran 9 damn miles. But I pick better things because tomorrow I have to run 10 damn miles. How could I have called this something so horrible, just less than a year ago? Make resolutions people - try something new. You never know what will happen.
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