Dollhouses, Glass Menageries, and Pink Rooms

I said something very profound the other day. Really, I was very proud of myself. It went something like: "You never regret having the children you have, you just are sad for missing out on the other side of things." Of course, this was in reference to someone asking me how I felt about having another boy. This woman, from Gymboree, has just had a girl and was chasing her 2 year old son around. She then replied, "I am so done, I am glad I got one of each."

I told her the truth, we are so done too. This is what it is, can't change it. Going to love man #2 (or #3 really) as much as anything. And, it does not reflect poorly on my love for him, or for Joel Andrew for that matter, but something inside me is profoundly sad that I am not going to have a girl.

I knew all along, since the day I saw the strip turn "pregnant" - that this was another boy. I think I was first more than shocked that we were having Deuce. All of this was not what I had planned, and I am a planner. I have it all mapped out and I thought that I would have a boy, and a girl, three years apart. Nope. Two boys under two it is. Lots of excitement ahead. I have been focusing on the good things, like how they will be best buds. We have all the stuff already, they can play together. At the lake, and at Sunday River they will bunk together for as long as my mind can see, and perhaps they will have the right amount of competition to keep eachother on their toes but not to stress themselves out. Not to mention Daddy will take them golfing, to the monster truck rally, to all sorts of things and Mommy will go to the spa and/or drink wine.

But still something makes me sad. And, it really hit me this weekend when I started to clear the way for Deuce. We will be putting him in our last bedroom, which until now has been a guest room. This room was made for a Princess. The sun shining in made the walls, though the same color as all the other walls in our house, glow pink. The bathroom has pink tile (and yes, it has it's own bathroom). The closet is so huge that you can literally fit two pack n plays in it. I walked in the room and it sold the house to me. The window, three windows in a bay, is what did it. I saw my Grandfather's dollhouse in that window corner. The pink toile wallpaper, so gorgeous. And to back me up, friends of ours have two girls, when they were the perfect ages, 4 and 6 they came over and were mesmorized by this room. Really, I am not kidding, the perfect girl's room.

So, I began taking things out of it. Time to paint it blue. I took down the glass menagerie - those little Swarovski glass animal figurines, you know them? I had a bunch when I was younger and I hung them, in a glass-mirrored case in this room, waiting for a little girl. Well, now it is in my closet. Again, focusing on the future at hand, I picked out some nice "boy" colors and am really hoping that the new bathroom color will make the tile look more orange than pink. But I still can't get over the dollhouse.

My grandfather made this dollhouse for me. It took him 5 years. He laid hardwood floors, in beautiful intricate patterns, in each room. He used wallpaper from my home growing up in the rooms, so it is also a time capsule on top of everything else. When I was 12 or so, we exhibited the dollhouse in the local Historical Society. My Mom spent literally hundreds of dollars on the curtains, fixtures, details and furniture for the place. And, now it is rotting in my attic. This dollhouse is so special, that when I made reference to it in a recent Facebook post friends of mine from elementary school who I haven't seen since about that time remarked how they remember it, and how beautiful it is. I had these grand dreams of restoring it back to its former glory. Investing in new furniture (as hurricane Angus destroyed a bunch a few years back). Re-painting the outside to go with the toile wallpaper of my future daughter's room. But no more. I know a lot of people say that boys can still play with dollhouses, but as Joel husband describes it - GI Joe defense barricade war-play is not exactly what I had in mind for this handmade family treasure. Perhaps I just have to stick around long enough and hope for a granddaughter.

So, the pink room is now blue. The painter lady is here today. The blue is gorgeous, and all will be fine. But I can't help but wonder what it is going to be like with a house full of boys. Lots of Joel's to pick up after, lots of boy talk to listen too, lots of movies and video games with loud bangs and gun noise. Perhaps I should rekindle my idea of building a lady space-barn in the back lot with a darkroom, quiet space and chicken coup? It can have a separate area, with a bay window, for a newly restored dollhouse.