Stuff I will not do in few weeks

I have been meaning to post this for a while now. I am sure you guys are squealing with delight knowing my not-so-favorite topic of breastfeeding is sure to come back into the fore with the impending birth of Deuce. Well, here it is... that and a few more things.

In 8 weeks (let's hope a hair sooner, any later and I am not going to be happy) Deuce will be here. I am lucky to have started this blog with the birth of my first son, Joel Andrew. I can look back at all my ridiculous posts and whining about breastfeeding, my obsession over schedule, my battle with my weight - and I can laugh. I can say: "boy I wish I knew how easy it was back then..." Perhaps this is a mental thing, but I am purposely freaking myself out that the birth of Deuce will lead to the next hardest part of my otherwise simple life thus far.

I was sad after Joel Andrew was born. My husband and mother practically forced me to the Dr. to admit this, and of course I did not. Call it the Tom Cruise point of view, but I was not going to admit I was sad. Now I do. And this time (#1) I will not ignore it. I am pretty sure my sadness did not fully go away, and has been worse since being pregnant again. So, as discussed with midwife today I am ready for all that they will throw at me to ensure I can function normally once Deuce is out. Husband reading this - this does not give you free license to now point out every time I am upset about something or mad, that is must be the sadness thing. People can be battling the sad, and still rightfully be upset at their husband for leaving his underwear on the floor.

(#2) Ah, breastfeeding. It was not a secret that I did not enjoy this task. I had to pump and bottle feed Joel child. This was quite time consuming, and required me to wake up, even when child was sleeping, to pump. I would spend a total of 5 hours a day pumping and cleaning up at the height of it (8-10 sessions, 30-40 minutes from start to end with cleaning time). How am I to do this with a toddler and a newborn? Sorry Deuce, you may just have to be one of those horrible bottle-fed children. One of those poor kids that are destined to grow up obese (as our First Lady is now saying), you and I will both have a high likely hood of getting sick (both the general illness, and the serious cancer-type as well), not to mention all the bad things that come with a non-breastfeeding mother. (can you sense my sarcasm?). I am just noting some of the things I read in the press lately. This time, I am not going to let it get to me. I am not going to wake up at 5am in Maine crying and run to the nearest supermarket to get "Mother's Milk" tea. I am not going to obsess whether it was 4 months or 5 months that I stopped, try to finger feed my child, get double mastitis and continue anyway, go to "support" group to watch a bunch of other moms effortlessly do something that I can't. This time, I am manning up, if it does not work it does not work. Deuce will get what he gets and then it is time to move on. Please, everyone remind me of this. It is too easy with all the press, and the hippies that live near me, to get myself worked up about it. For decades mom's have fed their kids formula, and we are ok, right? What's better, a sane mommy or a crazy breastfeeding mommy?

(#3) I will not obsess over schedule, unless it is medically necessary. If my child is growing at a normal rate (which is checked by very frequent Dr. visits in the beginning) I will not worry about how many ounces he is taking in. How many diapers are dirty. I will not keep a chart. I will not count the hours in the day obsessively over and over to see whether it was 3 or 4 hours since the last time he ate - why isn't he hungry yet? Joel child ate very little. When he was supposed to be well over 40 ounces a day, he was only barely doing 20. I freaked out over it - should I force feed him? I called Drs at all hours about it. The answer - he was growing fine, at a steady rate. New philosophy, if there is not medical issue, I shall not create an issue.

(#4) I will not worry over CIO (cry it out). CIO was the best thing we ever did for our family - for Joel Andrew, for me, for my marriage. Yes, it was sad while the kiddo was screaming in agony all night long - but the best sleeping child that ever existed has resulted. I have every intention of duplicating this with Deuce. In fact, I will create a count down chart to the days in which it is not medically necessary for Deuce to wake up at night anymore, and we get to do CIO. It will be a happy time for me. Please, please Deuce, please take after your brother in this one thing...

I think that is enough for now. Moving forward I think I should focus on the things I will do - like relax more? Go for long walks sooner. Go out to eat and not worry if a newborn cries. (that is so much better than a toddler throwing things). Ah, so many things...