The Truth About Moms and Dogs

Caution: Those who love their pets should not be alarmed, I still love mine, but need to vent here.

Last night I hardly slept. No, it was not James' fault. It was Angus' fault. Angus is our 5 year old French Bulldog. He is cute, but he has lots of bad habits. One of them is waking up in the middle of the night and puking. So, at 1am I woke up not to a baby crying, but to the sound of a dog getting ready to puke. This required me to jump up and hurry him to the shower, which resulted in much noise that then woke the baby up.

At this point I am thinking, why do we have dogs? They do not matter anymore. Yes, that is sad. But I am truthful here. I have a few friends that have given away their pets since they have had children, for various reasons really. Allergies, just couldn't handle it, safety issue. And each time they did this I thought, well judged, "how could they do that, a member of their family?" Well, last night, I knew how.

When you first get a pet, and you are a young couple, everything is about that pet. You get fun embroidered collars, you let them in the bed and on the couch to snuggle with you. You refer to yourself as Mommy, you take them for car rides, and on long walks. They are your children.

Then you have children. I like to say to people having a pet is a lot like having a child, but that is not true. A child is certainly more. Combine the two, and having a pet is pretty much like having a nuisance. The once-beloved family member is now cast off into the smelly, carpet-soiling, needs to go out in the middle of the night, barking during nap time pain.

I know, mean. I still love my dogs. We also have Otter, a chocolate lab who is now 9. But they come with their own eccentricities that were once cute, and now are a royal pain. Otter likes to bark, at everything. I now have a very unfriendly sign on my front door: "Please do not ring bell for deliveries." You should see the people at my front door, hmmm.... do I ring the bell, I came to visit, but am I delivering myself? She has an unnatural, perhaps obsessive need to chase after the ball. This is fine normally, we have the Chuck-It to aid with this, but now that she is 9 she cannot play like she used to, but only we know that, she does not. So her most-unfavorite trait now is out in full force, all the time, when we are trying to enjoy the outdoors anywhere - whining. She does not understand that she just cannot do it any longer.

Angus, what a whole additional story. He is disGUSting. Besides puking in the middle of the night, he does much more. He eats his own poop. No medicine has solved that. He also eats other things, mushrooms, bugs, practically anything, and has been sent to the emergency room on a few occasions, the most recent trip costing $1,000. He farts, snores, and licks his paws. And, the most awful (as if eating your poop was not) is he pees on our couch. For some reason the damn dog likes to pee all over the area of the couch he sits on.

So, this week I have had enough. This is my couch, damn it! I am not going to allow this anymore. While spending copius volumes of time on this couch breastfeeding, and watching helplessly as my other son rubs his face all over the cushions, I have decided that these dogs will officially be treated, as dogs. No more couch for them, Angus will be crated when we are gone, both will need to be strictly watched outdoors, and no more throwing the ball for Otter. We are the boss here, not them.

They are taking to it... Otter has basically resigned herself to the fact that she is just hanging around with us since Joel Andrew came along. Angus knows he is in trouble. He has mainly stayed off the couch but has tried to sneak one in here and there. He knows it is now forbidden, because when I came downstairs the other day I heard him quickly move and then saw the impression where he was sleeping.

I have to say, so far not so bad. I washed all the couch cushions in the washing machine (something I cannot believe I haven't done sooner) and the couch is still spotless, 4 days later! Usually it would be covered in dog hair. They both seem to be enjoying their dog beds, which they should since we spent a lot of money on them and they have only been collecting dust thus far.

I do love the dogs, Otter is the sweetest girl ever, and she has been with us as long as we have been an us. She still comes to me when I am sad and gives me kisses. And, Angus is the best snuggle bug ever. Sadly, he will now have to do that not on the couch... He is a good buddy and has been so tolerant of Joel Andrew.

So, no getting rid of dogs here. But at 1am, when there is a dog puking and waking up a baby, I can totally understand why others need to...